What does it mean to BOUNCE BACK? A FEW SYNONYMS for the phrase bouncing back would be to overcome, rebound, recover, to return or reverse; just to name a few. In order for any of these terms to take effect in your own life you’ll want to first recognize what you are actually “bouncing back” from… and where you want or where you believe God wants to take you to… the destination.
For some people, bouncing back would mean overcoming something traumatic that happened in their life that affected them so much so that it caused a disruption in their normalcy. Something happened to them that caused so much emotional turmoil and pain that it turned their world, as they knew it, upside down. Whether it was a divorce, loss of a loved one, a broken relationship, a diagnosis that compromised the safety of their health… whatever it may be... it transformed something in them.
Then you have others… those that have experienced traumatic events during their early years of childhood or teenage years (physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, etc) that never received proper help or guidance. Most of the time, in these cases, if the trauma wasn’t properly dealt with it has a tendency to turn into or manifest itself in other ways… such as low self-esteem, depression, low self-worth, wrestling with a spirit of rejection, feelings of inadequacy, anger, narcissism and so much more… UNHEALED TRAUMA, I can almost guarantee you will turn in to one or more of these things.
But how do they (these types of people) bounce back to a place where they’ve never been? Seemingly they've always had a history of unhealed trauma or toxicity and never have experienced the fullness of a emotionally "healthy" life.
To add to that, did you know that your trauma grows with you? while you are indeed growing in chronological age, emotionally you remain at the same age that you were when your trauma began. Of course, through the years you grow, and you learn and as life goes on you learn to adjust to your surroundings. But the very core of who you are has an unhealed child that needs or desires true healing.
In other words, if your trauma began at 6 and now you are 46, guess what else is 46? YOUR PAIN/TRAUMA/ABANDONMENT/BROKENESS! It grows up with you… Don’t believe me?... Some of you right now know someone who's 30, 40, 50 and even 60 years old and you wonder WHY they are so (WHAT YOU CALL -CHILDISH!) YOU SAY THEY SHOULD KNOW BETTER THAN THAT AT THIS AGE…THEIR TRAUMA GREW UP BUT THEY DIDN’T… FOR EXAMPLE, have you ever watched a show called my strange addiction? It’s a show that deals with real life adult people who have these very abnormal and weird vices… like a 33 year old woman that needs a baby’s bottle to go to sleep at night… smh… and they THINK THEY ARE NORMAL!!!
SHE IS STUCK! smh… MENTALLY STUCK!
Stuck at the age where her first trauma started. It seems to me that someone NEGLECTED her as a small child and failed to give her the affirmation and parental guidance she needed and now she feels like she has to do these things and other things to get the attention, love and acceptance that she needs. She’s STUCK. Obviously, this isn't true for everyone who experience these types of issues... some have actual diagnosed mental issues. I'm not referring to those people. But, back to being STUCK.
Being STUCK in a mindset will have you believing that your dysfunction is normal. One of the unfortunate things about “believing,” or “thinking” that your toxic ways are normal is that you are absent minded to the fact that YOU NEED HELP because by your perception nothing’s wrong. It doesn’t matter that you’ve gone from relationship to relationship, it doesn’t matter that you’ve ruined almost every friendship, or connection to people, it doesn’t matter that YOU struggle with issues of being overly needy, codependent, needing reassurance and constant affirmation by everyone that you encounter (until its exhausting for them)… you don’t need the help. They are the problem. 😉 You shut people out, push people away and then become disgruntled when they leave. Something to think about.
You may be STUCK.
The very definition of the word STUCK is UNABLE TO MOVE FROM A PARTICULAR POSITION OR PLACE ORRR UNABLE TO CHANGE A SITUATION. Unable to shake sadness, unable to move away from depression, unable to divorce addiction and break ungodly ties etc.
WHEN YOU ARE STUCK IN YOUR MIND YOU ARE REMOVED OR WITHDRAWN FROM REALITY. I'll say that again, when you are stuck in your mind, you ARE REMOVED FROM REALITY!
And if you’ve had children, there is a strong possibility that they become a product of YOUR brokenness… creating your same issues in them- generational bondages… and it keeps going and going and going because Whatever is not transformed will be transferred until someone decides that THAT’S ENOUGH!
How do you bounce back or better yet move forward? By MAKING AN INTENTIONAL DECISION. And even with making the intentional and deliberate decision that THAT’S ENOUGH, there must be action involved. It (pain/anxiety, depression) doesn’t just “go away.” I hate to be the bearer of bad news but you cant think it away… you cant wish it away.. and ooohhhh yall not gonna like this but you cant even pray it away… am I telling you not to pray? Certainly NOT! Prayer is indeed a component But it takes real work. You have to be willing to come to terms with some things… you have to do the work to get healed because the pain may not be your fault but healing is your responsibility.
"The Work," may include a variety of things such as exercising, seeking counseling or therapy, getting a facial, getting massages, reading new books on self care, taking YOURSELF out to eat and shopping sprees you can, or getting rid of old habits that keep you in painful cycles, eating new foods that contribute to brain health (that really matters), reading the Bible and studying scriptures that deal with what you are having trouble with, and a BIG one, getting away & cutting ties with toxic people! You cannot be afraid to "break up" with people who mean you no good or people who help you destroy yourself. Lastly, pray and ask the Holy Spirit to help you in every area that you need significant help with.
"Bouncing Back" isn't always easy but if you want it, it's well worth the time and investment. Taking it one day at a time and also being patient with yourself is a major factor as well. You'll get there. Don't rush your process. Bounce back with grace and do not be afraid to put yourself FIRST. It's really okay! I hope and pray that this has encouraged you in one way or the other.
As always, thank you for taking the time to read this! Also, please check out our website for our new arrivals and stay connected for more to come!
God bless you,
Miesha Keaton Stogin